Ciel in Cyberland
by malibupichu
Summary: A series of unfortunate events that take place from behind Ciel Phantomhive's computer screen. Join him in his virtual adventures, and laugh at his excessive misfortune. /Parody Series
1. Sebastian's SexyTime Adventure

This story is nothing but a crack parody that came to me at 8:00 AM. The first of a series of unfortunate cyber events, that take place from behind Ciel Phantomhive's laptop screen. Yes I'm aware we're not supposed to post chat scripts, but to hell with it. This chat tells a story. Hope you find it somewhat entertaining :] Reviews are appreciated.

* * *

**Ciel in Cyberland: **Sebastian's Sexy-Time Adventure

_**demonpimp has signed on**_

**demonpimp:** sebastian why are we doing this...

**nyancatz69:** I'm trying to open you to new experiences.

**demonpimp: **BUT YOU'RE ONE FLOOR AWAY

**nyancatz69: **Safety first.

**demonpimp:** GUH.

**demonpimp:** fine... you start.

**nyancatz69: **Of course.

**nyancatz69:** Oh and in light of those pesky pedophilia laws, let's keep this PG, shall we?

**demonpimp:** ...

**demonpimp:** are... are you, are you serious?

**demonpimp:** sex should never be PG

**demonpimp:** PG stands for parental guidance

**demonpimp:** you're already turning me off

**demonpimp:** this might be a new record

**demonpimp:** call guinness

**nyancatz69: **SHUT IT

**nyancatz69:** I mean... Now then :)

**nyancatz69:** I'm sitting on the bed and pulling you into my lap.

**nyancatz69:** My arms wrap around your slender waist as I lean in to kiss you.

**nyancatz69:** Your lips are so warm, I can't help but slide my tongue into your mouth.

**demonpimp:** ...

**demonpimp**: mmh... go on...

**nyancatz69:** I pull you closer to my chest, my arms lock you in, just before I grind against you through your jeans.

**nyancatz69:** (The black skinnies I got you on sale last week at Harvey Nichols)

**nyancatz69:** (I really had to fight that bitch off for them)

**demonpimp:** FORGET THE JEANS KEEP GOING

**nyancatz69:** Oh. Right...

**nyancatz69: **Those are girl's jeans you know...

**demonpimp: **SEBASTIAN

**nyancatz69:** Right right right...

**nyancatz69:** My nimble fingers inch closer to the zip of your jeans. I undo them and slide my hand over your arousal, cupping it in my hand, stroking it with every grind, as I feel you grow harder in my hand.

**demonpimp: **nnnnh... yeah... and then...

**nyancatz69: **You jizz your pants.

**demonpimp:** SEBASTIAN

**nyancatz69:** KIDDING!

**nyancatz69:** ...

**nyancatz69:** I pull you down with me as I fall back on the bed. I begin losing my composure as I watch you moan and buck into my hand, your dark lashes fluttering down as I wash you over with pleasure, the sight is driving me wild.

**demonpimp:** nnnh... sebastian i'm close...

**nyancatz69:** ;)

**nyancatz69: **I pull my hands away to hitch the hem of your jeans and slide them down, tossing them on the floor with your briefs- Already wet with the sticky mess made of your anticipation.

**demonpimp:** fffffffuck... yes...

**nyancatz69:** I reach up to take off your shirt.

**nyancatz69:** But it smells bad because you didn't let me wash it.

**demonpimp:** just shut up

**demonpimp: **talk dirty or don't talk at all

**nyancatz69:** Your shirt is very dirty. Because you insist that I'll ruin it like I ruined your Zombie Slayer tee but if you would just give me another chance

**demonpimp:** SEBASTIAN I'M THIS CLOSE TO DISCONNECTING AND FINISHING SOLO

**nyancatz69:** Sorry sorry sorry...

**nyancatz69: **Right. My hands travel up and down your naked body, sliding along every inch of your porcelain skin, your body is like ecstacy to the touch.

**demonpimp:** ...mmh...

**nyancatz69: **I grasp your hips and pull you up the bed, until your entrance is hovering just above my snaking tongue.

**demonpimp:** yes... nnhhhh

**demonpimp: **sebastian hurry...

**demonpimp: **i'm... gonna cum...

**nyancatz69: **I run my hot, wet tongue over your entrance, moaning as I watch you writhe in pleasure.

**demonpimp: **ah-

**nyancatz69:** But I grow nervous.

**nyancatz69: **Because last time Ciel didn't prepare properly, Star Comander Sebastian encountered some asteroids in his space cave.

**demonpimp:** ARE YOU

**demonpimp: **ARE YOU SERIOUS

**demonpimp:** THAT'S IT

**nyancatz69: **But

**demonpimp:** MY HAND IS OFFICIALLY OFF MY PENIS

**demonpimp:** I WAS SO CLOSE

**demonpimp:** SOOOO CLOSE

**nyancatz69:** Ciel, please...

**nyancatz69**: I was just being realistic

**demonpimp: **I AM NOT TOUCHING MYSELF TO REALISTIC

**demonpimp:** fuck this i'm signing off

**demonpimp: **you know what i'm gonna do

**demonpimp: **i'm gonna lock myself in the bathroom with big willy

**nyancatz69:** NO MY LORD!

**nyancatz69:** NOT BIG WILLY!

**demonpimp: **YES BIG WILLY

**demonpimp: **BIG WILLY VIBRATES AND SQUIRTS WHIPPED CREAM

**demonpimp: **WHAT DO YOU DO

**demonpimp:** YOUR SEMEN HAS THE POWER TO WILT FLOWERS

**nyancatz69:** Ciel! One day that unholy dildo of yours is going to get lost in your ass!

**nyancatz69: **I WILL NOT PLAY DOCTOR WHEN THE DAY COMES!

**demonpimp:** GOOD

**demonpimp: **THEN BIG WILLY CAN JOIN THE OTHER ASTEROIDS IN MY SPACE CAVE

**nyancatz69:** MY LORD PLEASE!

**demonpimp:** later

**nyancatz69: **WAIT!

**nyancatz69:** I UNZIP MY JEANS!

**nyancatz69:** I THRUST MY BULGING DEMONHOOD INSIDE YOUR

_**demonpimp has signed off**_

**nyancatz69:** ...

**nyancatz69: **...I'm comimg up to watch.

_**nyancatz69 has signed off**_

THE END


	2. Wifi Adventures of Trainer Phantomhive

Hellooooo people. I'd just like to say your reviews for the last chapter were hella encouraging, and I'm so grateful you guys took the time to write them. I hope this next chapter will be just as entertaining, and as always, reviews are greatly appreciated. In case it's not clear, everything written to the left takes place in the chat room, and everything written in the center takes place on Ciel's Nintendo DS screen. The battle isn't completely accurate, because I wanted everyone to be able to understand it, which took a bit of clarifying. Whatevs, enough of my blabbering, enjoy the story :]

* * *

**Ciel in Cyberland:** The Wifi Adventures of Trainer Phantomhive

**Pokemon Wifi Battle Chat**

_**Guest20295**_ _changed name to __**demonpimp**_

**demonpimp:** where can i battle hacked pokemon?

**earlgreyteabag:** right here.

**earlgreyteabag:** six on six?

**demonpimp:** one on one.

**earlgreyteabag:** LOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOoooool

**earlgreyteabag:** someone's confident.

**earlgreyteabag:** add me. 6969-6969-6669.

**demonpimp:** is that really your friend code?

**earlgreyteabag:** since i was 7.

**demonpimp:** ...ok

**demonpimp:** 2945-9925-2994

**demonpimp:** this game was released two years ago. if you've had that friend code since you were 7, the oldest you could possibly be is 9.

**earlgreyteabag:** age doesn't matter bitch

**earlgreyteabag:** i'm still your daddy

**demonpimp:** ...ok

**demonpimp:** i'll step in the wifi room now...

_Charles wants to play! Would you like to play with Charles?_

**Yes**

_Connecting..._

_Pkmn Trainer Charles wants to fight!_

_Charles sent out Nidoking!_

_Ciel sent out Nidoqueen!_

_Go! Nidoqueen!_

_Foe's Nidoking used lick!_

_Nidoqueen is paralyzed! It can't move!_

**demonpimp: **STOP IT

**demonpimp:** THAT'S NOT FAIR

**demonpimp: **LET'S START OVER

**earlgreyteabag:** appease your breasts.

**earlgreyteabag: **this party hasn't even started yet.

_Foe's Nidoking used harden!_

_Nidoqueen is paralyzed! It can't move!_

_Foe's Nidoking used pound!_

_Foe's Nidoking used pound!_

_Foe's Nidoking used pound!_

**demonpimp:** ...oi

**demonpimp:** my mind isn't usually in the gutter...

**demonpimp:** but your moveset seems a bit

_Foe's Nidoking used stringshot!_

**demonpimp:** NO

**demonpimp:** NO

**demonpimp:** YOU...

**demonpimp:** YOU!

**demonpimp:** I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

_Foe's Nidoking used stringshot!_

**demonpimp:** STOP IN THE NAME OF THE SEXUAL OFFENCES ACT OF 2003

**earlgreyteabag:** you got a problem dollface?

**demonpimp:** dollface?

**demonpimp: **i'm a boy

**earlgreyteabag:** ...

**earlgreyteabag:** really?

**earlgreyteabag:** but your name's ciel...

**demonpimp:** what's your point?

**earlgreyteabag:** it's so girly

**demonpimp: **it's not!

**earlgreyteabag:** and you have a nidoqueen

**demonpimp:** men can have nidoqueens!

**nyancatz69:** He also wears girl's jeans.

**earlgreyteabag:** no kidding.

**demonpimp:** WTF

**demonpimp:** SEBASTIAN

**demonpimp:** WHERE DID YOU COME FROM

**nyancatz69:** I'm always watching, my lord. You should know by now.

**demonpimp:** THEN WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING ME WIN YOU BASTART

**demonpimp:** *TARD

**nyancatz69:** I'm sorry. I figured Big Willy would help.

**demonpimp:** SEBASTIAN!

**earlgreyteabag:** who's big willy?

**demonpimp:** NO ONE!

**demonpimp:** SEBASTIAN

**demonpimp: **HELP ME OR SHUT UP

_Foe's Nidoking used stringshot!_

**nyancatz69:** QUICK! USE THE SECOND ATTACK FROM THE LEFT!

**demonpimp:** RIGHT!

_Nidoqueen used swallow!_

**demonpimp:** ...

**demonpimp:** sebastian

**demonpimp: **you've got until 7:03 to prepare your will.

**nyancatz69:** ...Why 03?

**demonpimp:** i'll start at 7:00 but my looks can take a few minutes to kill

**earlgreyteabag:** oi

**earlgreyteabag: **not to interrupt but

**earlgreyteabag:** are you the ciel that goes to my school?

**demonpimp:** ...no

**earlgreyteabag:** it's charles. from french. i'm the kid who's inheriting earl grey inc.

**demonpimp:** that's not me

**demonpimp:** you have the wrong ciel

**demonpimp:** it's such a manly name

**demonpimp:** i can see why it would be a popular choice among boys

**demonpimp:** but i'm homeschooled

**demonpimp:** in alaska

**demonpimp:** ...i'm just a blind eskimo child

**demonpimp:** the wifi in my igloo's a bit shaky

**demonpimp:** i should sign off

**earlgreyteabag:** you're definitely the ciel from french

**earlgreyteabag:** i bet you're blushing right now

**earlgreyteabag:** you blush every time someone looks at you

**earlgreyteabag:** you blush when you breathe

**earlgreyteabag:** you blush when a tree falls and nobody hears it

**demonpimp:** I HAVE ASTHMA OK

**nyancatz69:** *cough*Andlowselfesteem*cough*

**demonpimp:** DON'T YOU HAVE A WILL TO WRITE YOU BASTART

**demonpimp:** *TARD

**demonpimp:** UGH JESUS FUCK

**earlgreyteabag:** cheese and biscuits. no wonder you're quiet

**earlgreyteabag:** you're even weirder when you talk...

**demonpimp:** ...

**demonpimp:** i'm leaving now

**earlgreyteabag: **wait

**earlgreyteabag:** are you into roleplaying?

**demonpimp:** wtf

**earlgreyteabag:** we could roleplay as nidoking and nidoqueen behind the tennis court tomorrow... if you catch my drift

**demonpimp:** ...aren't you the kid who tried to run over my butler with your lamborghini?

**earlgreyteabag:** that's cause the vest he wore was disgusting

**demonpimp:** i picked out that vest...

**earlgreyteabag:** yeah well i wouldn't expect any less from a blind eskimo

**demonpimp:** ...

**demonpimp:** i see what you did there

**demonpimp:** ...so you're into teabagging huh?

**earlgreyteabag:** since i was 7

**demonpimp:** just shut up

**demonpimp:** can i play with your mullet?

**earlgreyteabag:** i have more than one mullet

**nyancatz69:** Ciel, I feel I must step in,

**demonpimp:** what time?

**earlgreyteabag:** lunch maybe. i'm in lunch A.

**nyancatz69:** Young Master, I don't think you'll feel well enough to attend school tomorrow,

**demonpimp: **i'm in lunch B. after school?

**earlgreyteabag:** works for me

**demonpimp:** sebastian

**demonpimp:** take care of big willy for me

**nyancatz69:** I WILL DO NO SUCH THING!

**demonpimp:** see you then.

**earlgreyteabag:** so you will.

**nyancatz69:** NO! WAIT! YOU MOST CERTAINLY WILL NOT!

**nyancatz69:** CIEL!

_**demonpimp left the room.**_

_**earlgreyteabag left the room.**_

**nyancatz69: **FUCKINGSATANBALLS

**nyancatz69:** GUH!

**nyancatz69:** ...I'll be there too.

_**nyancatz69 has left the room.**_

THE END.


End file.
